High Expectation and Relationship Satisfaction

Over the years, I have heard many people voiced their expectation for many things. People normally have high expectations for their career, dream home, the school their children will attend, and the car they will drive. But when it comes to one of the most complex human phenomena (a relationship), some people have low expectation, abandoned their high expectation or simply choose the next available partner. Is it ok to have high expectations for everything else in life except for the selection of a life partner?

Popular views on expectation

I can hear someone saying “what does expectation has to do with marriage/relationship?” Some people believe high expectations are the reason for many divorce. However, others are of the opinion that high expectations contribute to the difficulties many people experience in finding a mate. Are these views about high expectation accurate? The view that high expectations caused divorce is entirely false.

Difference between high and realistic expectations

High expectations have to do with those core values that you are not willing to compromise. While realistic expectations are necessary in the selection of a mate; they do not require a person to compromise his/her core values to get involved in a relationship. In addition, realistic expectations help people to compromise on things that are not essential for marital satisfaction. These things may include the height of a mate, skin color, career, etc. We must say there is a fine line between high and realistic expectations. The central point of distinction between them has to do with core values.

High expectation and relationship satisfaction

The research on high expectation in relation to partner selection is contrary to popular opinion. High expectations are beneficial to the happiness and longevity of a marriage (Gottmann, 1999). Similarly, Bacom, Epstein, Rankin, and Burnette (1996) argue that people with higher standards and high expectations for their marriage have the best marriages and not the worst. “It is essential for people to hold on to their romantic ideals rather than compromised them” (Wile, 1992). McNulty (2015) found, after conducting analysis on data for 135 newlywed who were followed for a 4 year period, that standards (high expectations) are positively associated with relationship satisfaction over time for couples with lower levels of destructive behavior. In other words, couples who have higher standards for their marriage have less severe problems and are more satisfied with their relationship. 

Lowered expectation

Lowering your values to engage in a relationship will not bring you happiness; it will only lead to regret. Furthermore, the next time your peers, relatives, and your thoughts challenged you to lower your standards to engage in a relationship, just think carefully about the regret that will come later. Additionally, meditate on  the unsatisfied fantasies that you will experience in relation to your “ideal” mate.

Do not compromise your standards! Remember that high expectations are beneficial to the happiness and longevity of a marriage.